CONVERSATIONS WITH CLAYTON: A Story of Hope

CONVERSATIONS WITH CLAYTON: A Story of Hope by Bill & Jaci Hughes & Juliet Henninger 

Clayton serving in Upstreet

“I want people to look at adults with disabilities differently--to realize that we’re adults--people sometimes talk to me like I’m a child--people with disabilities just want to be treated like normal people--see us, not our disability.”

With those words, Clayton Graff paints a picture of his life as a 27 year old living with cerebral palsy in a way that most people have probably not contemplated.  It is at once both eye-opening and convicting.  It is a challenge that God is using Clayton to bring to the church when it comes to interacting with and understanding the diverse and misunderstood world of special needs adults and children so that we can better offer the hands of Christ to those fearfully and wonderfully made glimpses of the image of God.

Clayton Graff is a volunteer at Gwinnett Church in Sugar Hill, Georgia where he primarily serves on the Upstreet Guest Services team at our 4:30PM service.  It is through this capacity that we came to know Clayton and his mom, Laura, who serves in the special needs room at the same service. 

A DIAGNOSIS NOT A DESTINY

Laura shared that Clayton was born at 30 weeks and as a result of being premature had to spend some time in the neonatal unit.  At first, it didn’t appear that there were any complications from his premature birth, but at 2 months, Clayton wasn’t tracking with “normal” developmental progress.  Although cerebral palsy was suspected, it isn’t typically diagnosed until at least a year, and in Clayton’s case, he was officially diagnosed at 2 years of age.  Several painful surgeries followed as well as other various therapies to treat his discomfort.

The diagnosis was devastating particularly on Clayton’s father who saw all of the potential memories and experiences that Clayton and he would not be able to share.  Clayton’s condition also took a toll on the family.  Laura admits that he often took all of her time and that her younger daughter often was left to feel that Clayton was the “squeaky wheel that got all the grease.” It is a common challenge for caregivers of special needs children.

Laura struggled between pushing Clayton to achieve his goals, while perhaps being a bit overprotective and limiting him. 

Laura admits, “I limited him, I kept him close and isolated him from the world.”  But she says, she always told him growing up that he could be anything that he wanted and do anything he wanted.  She didn’t want him to see his disability as limiting the path his life would take.

When he graduated from high school, Clayton felt the weight of his limitations upon him and through tears told his mother “You lied to me.  I can’t be anything I want.  I can’t do anything I want.”

Listening to the heart of this mother and son as they retrace those painful steps in Clayton’s journey, you can feel the despair and hurt, but also sense the deep profound love that they share.  

And yet, for Clayton Graff, the diagnosis was not his destiny.

CONVERSE-ATIONS WITH CLAYTON

Clayton's vibrant shoe collection.

Today when you first meet Clayton, who is in a wheelchair, you zero in on two things--the joyful glimmer in his eyes and the super cool Converse sneakers that always match his outfit.

To see Clayton is to see joy.  Kids light up when they see him each week.  Our own children are often talking about seeing Clayton at church and wondering what color Converse he will be wearing this week.

The Converse collection was an intentional move by Clayton and Laura to reframe the social dynamics surrounding him. 

Clayton and Laura shared about how people, often with good intentions, would ask Clayton what was wrong with him.  Kids would point and stare and ask their parents within earshot of Clayton and his mom, “what’s wrong with him?”

Laura often had to fight the urge to answer things in her own way and let people know that there is nothing wrong with him, while explaining his condition.  She and Clayton worked through ways that he might be able to advocate for himself in social situations. 

Understanding the good intentions of others, they sought an outlet to make interactions with Clayton less awkward.  Then a friend of Clayton’s sister suggested the Converse idea.

Clayton's shoes are a platform & outlet for him.

Clayton embraced it and it has become a symbol of who he is.  His vast collection of Converse in a rainbow of colors (the blue ones are his favorite although he likes the attention he gets when he dons the pink ones!) are carefully selected to match whatever he is wearing that day.  His colorful footwear has led to “Converse-ations with Clayton” and allowed people to be more comfortable when interacting with him.  Instead of stares and questions about his disability, the shoes provide people a more comfortable platform for engaging in dialogue that allows them to get to know Clayton, not just his disability.

Clayton even points out with a chuckle that an advantage of his disability is that his Converse shoes stay looking fresh because they don’t touch the ground. 

“LORD, I CAN’T LOSE MY CHILD MENTALLY”

And that’s what’s inspiring about Clayton’s story.  He hasn’t always been in such a good place, but he’s learning to navigate the frustrations of his condition in a more positive way.

He’s struggled with depression and even a period of suicidal thoughts due to frustrations and complications from his disability that left him feeling hopeless.  Clayton struggled with a series of hospitalizations that couldn’t accurately diagnose his problem at the time, leading to a dark time for him mentally and emotionally.  During that time, Clayton had to be watched 24 hours a day.  And yet, Laura and Clayton didn’t give up. 

Laura said that during this time she would pray to God, “Lord, I can deal with the physical, but I can’t lose my child mentally.”

The Converse project even helped with dealing with his emotional state as well.  Clayton would use the colors of the shoes to indicate how he was feeling that day and that allowed for an outlet to discuss his frustrations, to celebrate moments when he was feeling good, and to be heard and understood by others in a clearer way.

The other thing that seems to have helped is Clayton’s attendance at church and developing a faith in God.  Laura says that she always wanted him to have the joy of the Lord that she has, and that he is now fulfilling that dream.  When asked if he has the joy of the Lord, Clayton says, “I guess so, but I’m still not fully there yet” in his still developing faith.

Clayton now lives on his own and is pretty self-sufficient (something his parents never thought possible) and goes to church regularly.  As they point out, it isn’t easy for Clayton to go out somewhere, so the fact that he wants to go to church is a big deal.  Church has allowed Clayton to work on another of his mother’s dreams: “to have as many friends as possible.  The more friends you have the more lives you can touch.  That he would have the most abundant life, one filled with friends that he cultivates, and one with something to do--a purpose.”

SOMETHING TO DO--A PURPOSE

 

Jaci loves serving with Clayton every week.

Clayton says he never dreamed that he would make friends at a place like church, but he’s done just that.

And as for his purpose, Clayton is inspiring people through his life and service at church.  In addition to being on the guest services team, Clayton is occasionally called into the special needs room to serve alongside his mom when other volunteers from the room are out or called into another environment to serve that week.

Although Clayton doesn’t see his mission as focusing on the special needs population, he has been able to bond with those he serves  in that environment.  He says that they, “understand that I’m in their world, that I’m here with them.”

COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS AND MOVING FORWARD

Laura views it as a God intervention.  Because they served at this service, which is much smaller than the morning services, it allowed Clayton the opportunity to serve both on guest services and in the special needs environment.

Life for Clayton these days is about finding things to be thankful for--a lesson he and Laura picked up from a recent sermon by campus Pastor Jeff Henderson recounting a meeting he had with Rev. Billy Graham in which Graham encouraged Henderson to start each day listing things he is thankful for. 

As Clayton has begun to work through that, he’s been able to appreciate the life that he is building for himself.  That life includes his service at church, his family, and friends, watching shows like The Voice, rooting on his beloved Atlanta Falcons, and maintaining his own blog called “Conversations with Clayton” where he shares his thoughts and daily experiences.  Clayton’s using his gifts and his life to break down barriers facing special needs adults, and he’s just getting started.  God has big plans for this young man as He continues to bring joy out of pain and hope out of despair.

Clayton’s life is an abundant life indeed--full of friends, soaked in purpose, and lifted by a hope in a deepening faith. 

Rocking the pink shoes at Night To Shine.

Kidmin Volunteers: Make It Better!

Family ministries have an untapped resource to grow their ministry and expand their vision:  their volunteers.

The staff leadership of family ministry wear many hats.  Most of the time, they are overseeing multiple age groups (pre-school, elementary, middle school, and high school ministries are often combined at least partially) or multiple environments (small group rooms, large group production, guest services, etc.)  They also have a list longer than there are hours in the day of things that they, as leaders, are ultimately responsible for--recruiting, training, scheduling, curriculum production and distribution, security, guest services, production, technical support, materials wrangling, vision-casting, communicating with senior staff/other ministry leaders/volunteers/families, event planning, managing staff disagreements, and overseeing/implementing special needs ministry services--just to name a few.

You didn’t think they just showed up on Sundays and barked out the orders, did you?

And the sad fact is that too many leaders get burned out because they are taking on too many responsibilities, either because they are assigned too many, they lack delegation skills, or nobody else has agreed to help.  There are ways, however, that you as a volunteer can make things better.

In fact, every single member of the team bears responsibility for leading your ministry.  Every.  Single. One.  

In other words--you.

MAKE IT BETTER

Andy Stanley, the lead pastor of North Point Community Church, always tells volunteers that they should all work to “make it better.”  It’s what Sue Miller and Adam Duckworth would call “being owners not renters” in your volunteer role.  Instead of being threatened by new ideas or suggestions from volunteer staff, the North Point staff embraces suggestions and rewards ingenuity in making things go from good to great.   Not all organizations are like that, and the church seems to have a particular affinity for maintaining the status quo. In virtually every decision an organization makes, there is a tension between maintaining the status quo of how it’s currently being done and the energy of much needed change to serve our families better.  If we’re serious about reaching the next generation, we need to be willing to embrace change and join the new thing that Jesus is doing now.

Too often even leaders in family ministry who want to go to the next level are trapped into maintaining the status quo because of the “tyranny of the urgent” in their job--the day-to-day, week-to-week to-do list that usurps all of their time and energy, severely limiting or sidelining plans to make it better or grow the vision.  

As someone who has served as a staff member overseeing children’s ministry and who currently serves as a volunteer for Upstreet, I can tell you that staff members generally LOVE volunteers that help them MAKE IT BETTER and that you will rarely meet a staff leader who feels like they have tackled everything they need to in order to advance the ministry.  There’s always something that got sidelined due to lack of time or resources and that is usually a source of frustration for the vision-casting leader tasked with elevating the family ministry game to the next level.

WHOM SHALL I SCHEDULE?

Those crazy volunteers who would never say, “that’s not my job” but rather great every challenge with “how can I help?” are like manna from heaven to our personal ministry.

A challenge that most staff members leading family ministry have is when to ask volunteers to add to their duties and when not to.  The temptation once we find a reliable volunteer who brings value to the team is to ask them to do more.  There is, however, always that nagging fear that we will ask too much of them and burn them out.  It’s a constant mental balancing act.

So, here’s an idea:  If you are an “owner” as a volunteer--don’t wait to be asked.  Go to your staff leadership and tell them you are ready for more.  Share your heart.  What is it in your ministry that moves you the most?  That’s likely the area that God has appointed for you and probably an area your ministry needs help with.  You may be the blessing that allows your leadership to take the ministry to the next level.

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING...BUT IN THE RIGHT AUDIENCE

Andy Stanley also advises volunteers that “if you see something, say something.”  If you, as a committed volunteer, see something that could stand improving--tell your leadership about it and give them your idea for improving it.  And if you don’t have an idea, maybe spend some time in prayer about it before addressing it to see if God gives you wisdom on how to make it better.

You do run the risk of alienating your leader if they take this as a threat to their leadership or an undermining of their authority.  And some leaders who are not self-aware or secure in their position might see your suggestion this way.  One way to ensure that they take your idea the right way is to know your audience and your own limitations.  Take your legitimate concerns to your leaders privately.  Let them know that you are willing to help make it better.  Give them suggestions for what you’d like to do.  You might open your leaders eyes to something that they didn’t see, lead to a larger conversation about how to improve this area of your ministry, or give you the opportunity to take ownership of your role.  

CONFESSIONS OF A FORMER STAFF LEADER TURNED VOLUNTEER:

1. Leaders need help and support.  They need encouragement.  They need PRAYER. Don’t make the job of growing your ministry all fall on their shoulders.  It’s not all their responsibility.  Do your part or they will get burnt out and you will all suffer.
2. Leaders, more often than not, will listen to you if you are an “owner” who has demonstrated your commitment to the ministry.  Are you an “owner” in your role?  Do you go above and beyond or do you show up unprepared and sleepwalk your way through your duty?  
3. Leaders and volunteers should always be improving themselves.  Don’t stop growing and don’t refuse to learn.  You may have been involved in family ministry since the dawn of time.  Guess what?  Kids are different now.  Learn about them.  Find out what you don’t know about today’s generation and how that might impact your approach. The good folks at Orange have a gaggle of resources for you on that front as well as awesome training conferences and tour stops.  There are also great podcasts, blogs, books, and social media encouragement from leaders like Nick Blevins, Jarrid Wilson, Chase Snyder, Corey Ray Jones & others who constantly share their best practices, their wisdom, and their resources with family ministry leaders.  Connect with them.  
4. LISTEN.  Both leaders and volunteers need to listen.  Don’t allow emotion or insecurity to rob you of progress.  It might hurt your feelings, but if it’s coming from a good place, consider it, pray over it and see if maybe, just maybe, there might be some truth to it.

Imagine what a difference would be made in your ministry, your church and your community, if you chose every day to make it better by being an owner, sharing your ideas, and supporting your leaders and team!  It’s my prayer for 2017 that family ministry volunteers would be emboldened to take a larger role in their ministry and that our leaders would feel the love and support that they are due!  That ownership of serving will radiate through our families and our community.

Activate A Child's Faith: Every Kid Needs a Champion

Every kid needs a champion.

In nearly fifteen years of teaching in a public high school, and ten years of leading children’s ministry at church, I’ve had a wide range of experience.  From pre-school to graduating seniors, I’ve been involved in every phase through either my church life or my work life.  Being the father of three kids also helps.

And one truth that is undeniable throughout my years of experience is this--kids need a champion.

The children and teens that I’ve worked with who have been the most successful in achieving success have been those who had a champion rooting for them, encouraging them, and helping guide them through the minefield of life.

While this concept of a champion is not necessarily a shocking revelation, it is unfortunately far less common than it should be.

And in the age of social media, true authentic relationships are often drying up and replaced by the fake, surface level digital facades.  

Psychologists will tell you that human beings have a deep need of community and a sense of belonging.  And studies are showing that social media is having the opposite effect.  While we might know more about our friends and acquaintances (like what they ate for dinner!) we KNOW them less.  We know more about the life events big and small, but less of their heart.  And the inevitable comparisons contained in the filters, platforms, and messaging of the various social media platforms can have a tremendous hindering impact on our self-esteem creating depression and isolation.

Today’s generation is the first to be truly immersed in digital citizenship from birth on.  Toddlers are playing games on tablets and young kids are making duckfaces for selfies.  

By contrast, I had a pager during college so that I could call you from a pay phone if you really needed to get ahold of me and my computer made weird squawking bird sounds when it took about 20 minutes to connect to the internet.  

Children today are growing up in a world where learning how to develop an authentic relationship is a skill that they have very limited practice with.  And with the central role that relationship plays in activating an authentic faith, that’s dangerous ground.

That’s why kids need a CHAMPION.

GENERATIONAL FAITH: PAUL & TIMOTHY

The book of 2 Timothy is a great picture of a godly mentorship.  The older Paul is writing to his younger colleague in the ministry to encourage him.  And everything about the passage speaks to relationship.  In chapter 1, Paul reminds Timothy that it was because of his grandmother and mother than he came to faith and that Timothy is but the latest generation in a link of faith.  He encourages Timothy to continue in the faith and activate the faith of the next generation by investing in them as his mom and grandmother did for him.  

Then Paul CHAMPIONS Timothy to stay in the faith and contend for the faith.  He also reminds him of the example of his own life:

“You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, 11persecutions, sufferings—what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them.” 2 Timothy 3:10-11

Paul didn’t just teach Timothy theology.  He showed up.  Big time.  He modeled an authentic faith.  He walked through the doubts and persecution with him.  He was a CHAMPION for Timothy.

WHAT ABOUT PARENTS?

Parents are the biggest influence (present or absent) in their child’s life.  Period.  

They are uniquely positioned to influence their child in positive or negative ways through their relationship, their habits, their personality, their words, and their example.  They have the greatest capacity for being a CHAMPION of their own children.

Parents can’t always be that champion for every stage, however.  For example, during the teenage phase, kids are much more willing to share things with other leaders, mentors, teachers, and coaches rather than their own parents.  It’s just reality.  And it’s a reality that my wife and I are learning now that our oldest is in high school.  Parents need to be intentional about establishing those kinds of relationships with adults who will reinforce what they would say to their child if they could.  Churches need to be intentional about providing them with “Pauls” for this very purpose.

WARMTH & CONSISTENCY

Being a champion doesn’t necessarily mean being the coolest and most trendy old person on the scene.  It just means showing up with a willingness to engage.

That’s why most children’s ministries are now embracing a small group-based model with a consistent leader who will show up every week in the life of their few.  When you “lead small” you are actually making a big impact.  Churches have for many years just tossed whatever unwitting fool was standing in the doorway into their children’s and student’s ministry environments.  They’ve been willing to schedule folks around their convenience and only ask for a limited commitment or sporadic scheduling for fear of not having enough volunteers.

Our kids deserve better.  As Reggie Joiner says, “never put the needs of an adult above the heart of a child.”

Having a consistent adult in their lives will provide them with the safe place to share their doubts and questions about their faith, and allow them to have someone other than their parents that knows them.  This is tremendously important to developing a vibrant faith that they can own and activate in their daily life.

I would guess that most of my former students would probably not remember a great deal of the specific lessons that I taught.  (Although our games of Survivor were pretty epic during the Lord of the Flies unit, and I’m not sure they will ever discard the importance of color symbolism after our enthralling chats on The Great Gatsby.)  I do think that I’m a good communicator and teacher. But if I’m honest, the most meaningful impact that I’ve made in the lives of the kids entrusted to me has not been academic.  It’s been relational.  What does last, hopefully, is how I made them feel and how I helped spark their belief in themselves or their curiosity in their purpose.  Hopefully during our time together, they knew that I was there to cheer them on to success.

Each person is unique and uniquely gifted.  Each person has a temperament and learning style that differs from their peers.  The “one size fits all” approach to education or developing an authentic faith in Jesus never works, but the one consistent factor is RELATIONSHIP.   

Here’s what I know:

1. CHILDREN ARE NOT ALL THE SAME--even within families--so no approach or model can be applied exactly the same to every child in exactly the same way.  What works with one child, doesn’t work with another.  It takes RELATIONSHIP to understand that and employ the right approach.
2. CIRCUMSTANCES DEMAND FLEXIBILITY--there will be times in that child’s life where the circumstances of life (family dysfunction, dealing with the death of a loved one, personal relationships, substance abuse, depression, bullying, etc.) overshadow what the lesson plan for the day is.  A champion will recognize this and use the circumstances to help grow the child in some way.   That doesn’t always mean teaching.  Sometimes it means just showing up and being present.  During a particularly challenging day in my teaching career, we had a student killed in a car accident which several other students were involved in (as drivers and passengers.)  Most of the school day was spent standing in the hallway with students collapsing into uncontrolled sobbing masses.  We didn’t teach academics that day.  We didn’t try to talk them through it.  We did the only thing we could--grabbed a box of tissues, hugged desperately hurting students, modeled love and support during a time of intense tragedy.  The same is true in growing faith.  God often uses circumstances in our lives to grow our faith.  A consistent leader will be able to pour into our kids during those times when they really need it--and be fully aware of the backstory and bigger picture in that child’s life to help them gain perspective later on.
3. GENERATIONS ARE NOT ALL THE SAME--growing up today are not the same as kids growing up in the 1990s, or the 1980s, or the 1970s, or any decade prior to that.  If we want to influence them and their faith, we need to get to KNOW THEM.  Consistency is key in that.  As Reggie Joiner says, “you can’t influence someone you don’t know.”

It’s the job of the church to partner with families to ensure that every child has a CHAMPION.  

And how can you be a champion?  It doesn’t require training, or academic finesse.  It doesn’t hinge on your communication skills.  It’s as simple as this:

1. Show up.
2. Care deeply.
3. Listen intently.
4. Pray fervently.
5. Know them genuinely.
6. Impart truth regularly.
7. Model faith authentically.
8. Encourage liberally.

When you show up to be a CHAMPION in the life of a child, you are changing the course of a life, the destiny of a family, and the reality of future generations.  It’s worth it.  Show up.

Involved in student ministry?  Children’s ministry?  Teaching?  What are some of the ways that you’ve SHOWN UP to be a CHAMPION for your entrusted few?  How have you LED SMALL?

Helping The Next Gen Grow Their Faith Through Relationship

Our church has been doing a series challenging us to live out intentional generational faith.  A faith that is passed on and encouraged from one generation to the next.  And as someone involved in family ministry for 10 years now, my heart was glad.

It's a message that is so important.  Faith isn't transferred to the next generation through a classroom.  It's not a program or even a great series of lessons.  It's transferred when it's lived out.  Together.  In RELATIONSHIP.

In a passive society where stuff matters more than others and we prioritize ourselves over all, it's becoming a revolutionary act to pursue an active faith and impart that to the next generation.

So, as we begin this series to talk about helping the next generation win, I thought it was time that I look back and thank those who helped me win.  Here are three of their stories:

MY MOM

My mom took a lead role in all things spiritual in our house.  She's the person who instilled in me a deep love of Jesus and church.  She showed me the power of serving.  She demonstrated the power of unconditional love to a son who sometimes struggled to even like himself.  It is through her undying love that I managed to survive the turbulent teen years.  She also served as my youth leader.  Literally nobody else in the church wanted us.  And so she stepped out in faith.  At the time, it was a little awkward.  Having your mom as your youth leader can be a problem.  She didn't have a degree.  She wasn't an expert on teenagers.  She simply had a willing and loving heart.  She loved us teens and walked through the mess with us.  And while it probably seemed to her like many of her lessons during this time fell on deaf ears, it was largely because of this investment in my life that I am where I am spiritually.  And where my children are spiritually.  And why I serve the next generation in my church with such passion.  She is also where I get my love of holidays and celebrating family time.  She also has been the prayer warrior in my life.  There wasn't a day that went by that my mom wasn't praying for us.  I was blessed to have two parents who loved me, supported me, and provided for me.  Not everyone gets that.  I'm thankful for my mom's commitment to our getting involved in church and for prioritizing our walk with Jesus at a young age.  It changed the entire trajectory of my life.

PASTOR JACK

Growing up I was beyond blessed with the pastor that served my church.  Jack Hamilton was a joyful man who radiated unconditional love to everyone he met.  He taught me that Jesus likes to have fun.  He helped make church a place that I wanted to be.  He showed me how much of an impact living life with joy and a smile can do.  He showed what the heart of a pastor looks like.  Late night phone calls & visits to troubled families, round the clock visits to the hospital, spending time with shut-ins, he did it all.  His boundless joy could not be contained.  It was a force of nature that left a permanent mark on my life.  There was simply not a person that Jack didn't love or share Jesus with.  His influence went beyond just me personally, his influence on my family and the direction our family took together in the faith is largely because God brought Jack Hamilton int our lives at just the right time.  Attending his funeral bore witness to the influence that he had as person after person stood to share what Jack meant to them.  We even heard one last audio recording from Pastor Jack made on his death bed.  As he said good-bye to us, he shared the Gospel message one last time to those in attendance.  That's the kind of Christian that I want to be.

MRS. WILEY

Mrs. Wiley was a fun old lady.  She was my Sunday School teacher circa 4th-6th grade.  She had to be at least in her seventies when she taught us.  Physically she somewhat resembled Doris Roberts from Everybody Love Raymond.  And she had the voice of Edith Bunker.  She was a little bit eccentric, but she really loved us.  That a woman that much older than us would still be serving faithfully in Sunday School stuck out to me.  And she didn't make an impact because she was super trendy or hip.  In fact, she was pretty much the opposite of that.  But she was someone willing to still have fun and laugh even in her later years.  She may have been old chronologically, but she was certainly young at heart.  Her example taught me to embrace the fun in life.  It also taught me that sometimes being the coolest or most talented person in the room isn't all that counts.  She taught me that everyone can make a difference just by sharing their love and joy with another person.  I couldn't tell you specifically any lessons that I learned with Mrs. Wiley in church, but I can still feel the warmth of her presence.  She loved us unconditionally even when we disobeyed.  She had fun with us instead of scolding us.  She showed me the love of God personified.

LESSONS FROM MY LIFE

The lesson that I can take away from these shining examples and others is that the key to helping the next generation win is RELATIONSHIP.

Reggie Joiner would put it this way:

"You can't influence someone that you don't know."

Helping the next generation win means connecting them to an active and authentic relationship with Christ.  In order to do that, we will need to be warm and relational.  My top 3 influences didn't impact my life because they were the best communicators that I've ever known.  Their lasting impact on me was borne through the relationship they created with me.  That RELATIONSHIP allowed them the INFLUENCE and LEVERAGE to speak life and truth into my life.

As a result, I was more open to what they had to say and who this Jesus that they followed was.  By modeling a warm and genuine relationship with me, they helped me understand the kind of relationship that God wanted to forge with me through Jesus.

As followers of Christ, we owe it to the next generation to be a model of RELATIONSHIP and to leverage that to point them toward the source of all hope--JESUS.

As you look back in your own faith journey, who were some of your biggest champions?  How did they leverage their relational warmth with you to stoke the fire of faith in you?

Thank God for those who poured into your life to help you win and ask Him what you can do to help the next generation win.

Feel free to hit the comments and share!

Have You Ever Felt Unhinged?

Have you ever just felt a little unhinged?

It's okay. If you can't admit it publicly, you can probably admit that you've seen it in others.

That overly negative complaining Facebook post and all of the angry comments egging it on and encouraging the author to bask in that rage. That angry tweet-storm of name-calling and threats. That train-wreck public meltdown of someone in a store, in the parking lot, on the sidewalk, or in your house.

You stare. You judge. You thank God you are better than that person. You talk about them behind their back.

But if you are honest--really honest--you will admit that you were that person a time or two.

And you aren't necessarily a bad person for it. You would hate for anyone to see you like that, and you certainly wouldn't want anyone judging your worth based on your actions that day.

Maybe you stubbed a toe. Perhaps you couldn't find your keys. Maybe the kids were just not cooperating today, or the boss was overly demanding, or the car broke down, or the basement flooded. Maybe it was something more.

Something that happened to you overtook you. And you weren't prepared for what came out of you. You came unhinged.

When we are unhinged, we lose control. We lose focus. We lose what matters most.

So often when we talk about this concept, we think of an all or nothing connection. We're either rolling around in a pool of God's grace or crawling on the hot sands of the spiritual desert devoid of His presence.

We often think of it in those polar extremes. We don't think of the day to day struggle to remain in Him. And maybe you aren't a serial killer, but maybe you snapped at someone when you shouldn't have. Maybe you gave in to road rage. Maybe you believed a lie about yourself and fell into despair.

Being unhinged can take many forms.

Jesus referred to our dependency on God as that of a branch in a vine in the famous passage from John 15:4-6:

"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." 

So often we analyze that passage specifically about the relationship of our faith and our works as believers. If we aren't connected to God, our actions will not match our faith. And that's a very central concept to this passage, but it's bigger than that.

When a branch is disconnected from the vine, it's biggest problem isn't its failure to make fruit, it's that it is dead.

Sure, it might not appear that way right away, but the longer that separation goes on, the more the symptoms of death will be evident.

Our IDENTITY, our PURPOSE, and our WORLDVIEW are rooted in the vine of Christ. When we sever that connection, we will die and not just in an overly symbolic way. We will be devoid of life. Not just in a "serving the poor" kinda life. A "Living every day without losing our minds" kinda life.

I began thinking about this while listening to a new Casting Crowns song called "God of All My Days" in which a lyric just hit me in the face:

In my worry, God you are my stillness. In my searching, God you are my answer. In my blindness, God you are my vision. In my bondage, God you are my freedom. In my weakness, God you are my power.

In the rush of life, we don't always allow God to be our stillness in our fear.  We don't always let Him be the answer.  We don't let Him guide us by the hand when we can't see.  We certainly don't allow Him to free us from our bondage, and we don't rely on His power.  We're not totally severed from the vine, we just sorta hopped off for a minute.

When the stress of life overtakes us, our first response is usually to punch it down like Rocky.  

It's acting before thinking.

It's doing before understanding.

God is a God of relationship.  And as beings created in His image, we are as well.  There is a tension in that understanding that binds us together.  But sometimes the rubber band breaks.

Our culture's obsession with social media and hiding behind the superficiality of technology has caused us to lose touch with connections.  Instead of building the genuine bonds of relationship, we tether the filtered facades of selfies.  

In the midst of stress and chaos, Jesus calls

"Remain in Me."   

"Remain."    

"Be still."  

"Abide."  

So, if you are unhinged, that's okay.  We all do from time to time.  It's just not okay to stay that way.  The world needs the fruit that God created you to grow.  Abide.  Remain in Him.

Worldview Lens: Faith or Fear?

There's a rather funny moment in the classic 1991 film, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.  This is the movie where Kevin Costner plays Robin Hood and makes no attempt to speak with a British accent whatsoever.  Everyone else around him speaks the Queen's English, but nobody seems to notice or mind that Robin talks like a Yankee.  (To be fair, Christian Slater's "accent" isn't much better.)

In the film, the apparently American Robin is introduced to a crude magnifying lens, a sort of handmade telescope, by his Muslim friend  played by Morgan Freeman.  His first look through the lens at the attacking forces in the distance causes him to dramatically reach for his sword and prepare for attack as he interprets their larger image through the lens to indicate that they are right in front of him.

It's a funny moment, but also a telling illustration.  The lens we choose to see the world with will dictate the identity we embrace, the actions that we take, and the truth that we understand.

MIRROR, MIRROR

Much like our physical sight, we all look at life spiritually through a sort of lens.  The Bible likens it to a mirror in 1 Corinthians 13:12:

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

This comes during a discourse of our finite ability to understand things.  During the course of this chapter, we're described as "knowing or understanding in part" while comparing our current state to that of "thinking like a child" until the "completeness" comes and we can understand in full.

There is no limit to who this applies to.  This applies to everyone this side of heaven.  We don't see clearly.  We can't fully understand.  And if we're not careful, we will apply the wrong lens and warp the vision that GOD has for us.

Like Robin Hood, if we don't allow someone to slap the mis-applied lens of FEAR from our eyes, we will not see things clearly.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ELIJAH?

This was certainly true of a whining Elijah, who was focused more on his persecution and loneliness than on the provision and power of the God he served.  In 1 Kings 19:2 we see how Elijah loses hope:

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.

Now, Elijah's despair occurs one chapter AFTER his triumphant smackdown with the prophets of Baal.  You'd think dude would be strutting around and dabbing in the end zone.

This is not some weakling of the faith.  This isn't some helpless creature to pity.  This is Elijah.  God's man with the plan.  The one man standing against the plethora of false prophets.

Sharing this moment of Elijah's life reveals some very important truths regarding the role of fear and faith:

1.  FEAR isn't limited to weaklings.  Elijah was one of the most powerful prophets of the Old Testament.  A real man of God.  For Elijah to lose heart like this reveals that FEAR can warp the vision of any believer--and in an instant.

2.  FEAR can cause us to amplify the problems in the foreground to something larger than God.  For Elijah this was Jezebel.  The man who humiliated the prophets of Baal and demonstrated the power of God just one chapter before with such magnificent FAITH swagger and confidence, was reduced to a quivering mess because Jezebel threatened him.  In this bleak landscape, Elijah saw Jezebel as larger than his LORD.

3.  FEAR does the opposite of what FAITH would do every time.  In the previous chapter, Elijah was viewing the scene and acting out of a vision of FAITH.  His confidence was not necessarily in himself or the natural world.  His confidence was in the GOD who promises to be with us.  In this chapter, however, Elijah is hiding and praying for death.

FEAR never leads you to a productive action or decision.  It always weakens you.

It also leads to the dark side according to Yoda.

FEAR can lead to a lot of things--from depression and suicidal despair, to sickness, to immobility and spiritual, physical, and relational paralysis.  Like Peter teetering on top of the surf, our vision of CHRIST must be our guide.  Once we allow FEAR to distort the waves and wind into something more menacing than Christ is comforting, we lose the battle.

NEED VISION?  STAND IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD

There's no simple answer to combating FEAR.  It will creep up on you over and over again.  It's not something that you can just vanquish forever like Robin Hood did to the Sheriff.  There is HOPE though. In the midst of Elijah's despair, GOD stepped in in verse 11:

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

FAITH casts out FEAR.

LIGHT casts out DARKNESS

LOVE casts out HATE

By spending time in the presence of GOD, we can renew our strength, right our vision, and restore our path in life.  Read your Bible.  Pray.  Meet with fellow believers to discuss your situation.  Let the LIGHT of the FATHER pierce the darkness around you so that you can see clearly.  JESUS wants to set us free from the prison of FEAR.  He wants more for you.  FEAR always wants you to do the opposite of what you should do.  Be BOLD.  Walk in FAITH.

Are We There Yet? Fear's Demands on Faith

Back in my day, we didn't have all those new-fangled technologies to dull our senses and lull us into a comatose silence during long road trips.

We might--MIGHT--have had a cassette player or CD walkman, but once your batteries died (which was shortly after you left your driveway) you were left without your tunes and subjected to whatever hillbilly nonsense your parents were listening to on the car radio.

As a result, I often found myself looking for signs that we were near our destination.  Every landmark and road sign was subject to my analytical scrutiny and speculation.

It dawned on me the other day as I was thinking about the ways that FEAR has impacted my FAITH over the years that the "are we there yet" angle is one that FEAR has played a major role in.

Let me explain.

GOD's plan for our lives often invites us to interpret His motives or the deeper meaning.  Every blessing or struggle is viewed as a window into God's character and motives.  And we then begin listening to our own (often fearful) interpretative spin on things.


And as we FOCUS on the TRIVIAL we DIMINISH the ETERNAL.

Now, I'm not saying that questioning and reasoning has no place in our faith.  In the right context it is one of the ways that God grows our faith in Him.

HOWEVER, if we apply the wrong interpretations and come to the wrong conclusions, we might find ourselves fearful of a God that we define in our own failed logic.  If the obstacles in our path become larger or more significant than the One who made the path, we will have officially handed over the wheel to FEAR.

Moses had some issues here in seeing the big picture.

"What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'the LORD did not appear to you?'"

This is from Exodus 4 when Moses is conversing with the burning bush.  The LORD has to walk Moses through some seemingly endless scenarios as Moses inundates Him with a stream of "what if" questions that any person who wrestles with FEAR will identify with.

Now, it's easy to mock Moses' cowardice from the comfort of our living room.  Dude was literally speaking with the LORD via a burning bush.  What is there to worry about?  How could you diminish the power of God by focusing on your problems when you are standing on Holy Ground?

Simply put, Moses allowed his fear of failure to distort God's message and character.  And we do the same thing every day.

When we lose a job.

When we have a fight with a loved one.

When someone betrays us.

When terminal illness strikes our family.

When prayers go unanswered.

With his FEARS dwarfing his view of the LORD, Moses continues to throw "what if" scenarios at the great I AM.  #SMH

Finally, in Exodus 4:11 the LORD said to him, "Who gave human beings their mouths?  Who makes them deaf or mute?  Who gives them sight or makes them blind?  Is it not I, the LORD? Now go, I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

The problem with my trying to interpret the landmarks and signs on our long road trips is that I had no idea where we were actually going and was reading into those signs and landmarks with a distorted or uninformed view of reality.

The problem with Moses was that he was reading into the future what his own fear of failure saw instead of what the LORD behind the burning bush did.

I did not, at the age of 10, know how to drive a car.  My dad did.  And yet I spent many a minute in the back seat questioning where we were going and how close we were as if I did have that knowledge.

Moses didn't yet fully understand who God was.  He was trying to figure out the entire plan at the beginning because his FEAR OF FAILURE was bigger than his FAITH.  And here's the kicker--many of the worries that Moses brings up to God did actually happen.  And God knew that they would.

But the plan wasn't necessarily that Moses would know all the details from the beginning and could trust in the plan.  It was that when the plan did go awry, he knew enough about his HEAVENLY FATHER to LEAN INTO HIM during those trials and experience a new intimacy and understanding not possible via a pre-journey lecture.

FAITH is ACTIVE, FEAR is PASSIVE.

The lens of FEAR turns the PATH that God has mapped out before us into a pothole-filled trail of terror and lead us to a life of apathy and inaction.

FEAR doesn't want you to act because in doing so, you will grow in your CONFIDENCE and FAITH in the LORD and FEAR will be weakened and diminished.

FEAR focuses on life's obstacles, FAITH focuses on the character of God.

FAITH isn't about always knowing exactly where we are going or how things will turn out, it is trusting the God who does.

This is why Moses, so terrified in Exodus 4 at the burning bush, was able to calmly rally the Israelites standing in between an advancing army and the Red Sea.  It was not because Moses suddenly had no FEAR but because HIS GOD was much larger than the "what ifs" of life.

Instead of asking if we are there yet, perhaps we should just sit back and enjoy the ride and kick FEAR to the curb.