CONVERSATIONS WITH CLAYTON: A Story of Hope by Bill & Jaci Hughes & Juliet Henninger
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| Clayton serving in Upstreet |
With those words, Clayton Graff paints a picture of his life
as a 27 year old living with cerebral palsy in a way that most people have
probably not contemplated. It is at once
both eye-opening and convicting. It is a
challenge that God is using Clayton to bring to the church when it comes to
interacting with and understanding the diverse and misunderstood world of
special needs adults and children so that we can better offer the hands of
Christ to those fearfully and wonderfully made glimpses of the image of God.
Clayton Graff is a volunteer at Gwinnett Church in Sugar
Hill, Georgia where he primarily serves on the Upstreet Guest Services team at
our 4:30PM service. It is through this
capacity that we came to know Clayton and his mom, Laura, who serves in the
special needs room at the same service.
A DIAGNOSIS NOT A
DESTINY
Laura shared that Clayton was born at 30 weeks and as a
result of being premature had to spend some time in the neonatal unit. At first, it didn’t appear that there were
any complications from his premature birth, but at 2 months, Clayton wasn’t
tracking with “normal” developmental progress.
Although cerebral palsy was suspected, it isn’t typically diagnosed
until at least a year, and in Clayton’s case, he was officially diagnosed at 2
years of age. Several painful surgeries
followed as well as other various therapies to treat his discomfort.
The diagnosis was devastating particularly on Clayton’s
father who saw all of the potential memories and experiences that Clayton and
he would not be able to share. Clayton’s
condition also took a toll on the family.
Laura admits that he often took all of her time and that her younger
daughter often was left to feel that Clayton was the “squeaky wheel that got
all the grease.” It is a common challenge for caregivers of special needs
children.
Laura struggled between pushing Clayton to achieve his
goals, while perhaps being a bit overprotective and limiting him.
Laura admits, “I limited him, I kept him close and isolated
him from the world.” But she says, she
always told him growing up that he could be anything that he wanted and do
anything he wanted. She didn’t want him
to see his disability as limiting the path his life would take.
When he graduated from high school, Clayton felt the weight
of his limitations upon him and through tears told his mother “You lied to
me. I can’t be anything I want. I can’t do anything I want.”
Listening to the heart of this mother and son as they
retrace those painful steps in Clayton’s journey, you can feel the despair and
hurt, but also sense the deep profound love that they share.
And yet, for Clayton Graff, the diagnosis was not his
destiny.
CONVERSE-ATIONS WITH
CLAYTON
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| Clayton's vibrant shoe collection. |
Today when you first meet Clayton, who is in a wheelchair,
you zero in on two things--the joyful glimmer in his eyes and the super cool
Converse sneakers that always match his outfit.
To see Clayton is to see joy. Kids light up when they see him each
week. Our own children are often talking
about seeing Clayton at church and wondering what color Converse he will be
wearing this week.
The Converse collection was an intentional move by Clayton
and Laura to reframe the social dynamics surrounding him.
Clayton and Laura shared about how people, often with good
intentions, would ask Clayton what was wrong with him. Kids would point and stare and ask their
parents within earshot of Clayton and his mom, “what’s wrong with him?”
Laura often had to fight the urge to answer things in her
own way and let people know that there is nothing wrong with him, while
explaining his condition. She and
Clayton worked through ways that he might be able to advocate for himself in social
situations.
Understanding the good intentions of others, they sought an
outlet to make interactions with Clayton less awkward. Then a friend of Clayton’s sister suggested
the Converse idea.
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| Clayton's shoes are a platform & outlet for him. |
Clayton embraced it and it has become a symbol of who he
is. His vast collection of Converse in a
rainbow of colors (the blue ones are his favorite although he likes the
attention he gets when he dons the pink ones!) are carefully selected to match
whatever he is wearing that day. His
colorful footwear has led to “Converse-ations with Clayton” and allowed people
to be more comfortable when interacting with him. Instead of stares and questions about his
disability, the shoes provide people a more comfortable platform for engaging
in dialogue that allows them to get to know Clayton, not just his disability.
Clayton even points out with a chuckle that an advantage of
his disability is that his Converse shoes stay looking fresh because they don’t
touch the ground.
“LORD, I CAN’T LOSE
MY CHILD MENTALLY”
And that’s what’s inspiring about Clayton’s story. He hasn’t always been in such a good place,
but he’s learning to navigate the frustrations of his condition in a more
positive way.
He’s struggled with depression and even a period of suicidal
thoughts due to frustrations and complications from his disability that left
him feeling hopeless. Clayton struggled
with a series of hospitalizations that couldn’t accurately diagnose his problem
at the time, leading to a dark time for him mentally and emotionally. During that time, Clayton had to be watched
24 hours a day. And yet, Laura and
Clayton didn’t give up.
Laura said that during this time she would pray to God, “Lord, I can deal with the physical, but I
can’t lose my child mentally.”
The Converse project even helped with dealing with his emotional
state as well. Clayton would use the
colors of the shoes to indicate how he was feeling that day and that allowed
for an outlet to discuss his frustrations, to celebrate moments when he was
feeling good, and to be heard and understood by others in a clearer way.
The other thing that seems to have helped is Clayton’s
attendance at church and developing a faith in God. Laura says that she always wanted him to have
the joy of the Lord that she has, and that he is now fulfilling that
dream. When asked if he has the joy of
the Lord, Clayton says, “I guess so, but I’m still not fully there yet” in his
still developing faith.
Clayton now lives on his own and is pretty self-sufficient
(something his parents never thought possible) and goes to church regularly. As they point out, it isn’t easy for Clayton
to go out somewhere, so the fact that he wants to go to church is a big
deal. Church has allowed Clayton to work
on another of his mother’s dreams: “to have as many friends as possible. The more friends you have the more lives you
can touch. That he would have the most
abundant life, one filled with friends that he cultivates, and one with
something to do--a purpose.”
SOMETHING TO DO--A
PURPOSE
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| Jaci loves serving with Clayton every week. |
Clayton says he never dreamed that he would make friends at
a place like church, but he’s done just that.
And as for his purpose, Clayton is inspiring people through
his life and service at church. In
addition to being on the guest services team, Clayton is occasionally called
into the special needs room to serve alongside his mom when other volunteers
from the room are out or called into another environment to serve that week.
Although Clayton doesn’t see his mission as focusing on the
special needs population, he has been able to bond with those he serves in that environment. He says that they, “understand that I’m in
their world, that I’m here with them.”
COUNTING YOUR
BLESSINGS AND MOVING FORWARD
Laura views it as a God intervention. Because they served at this service, which is
much smaller than the morning services, it allowed Clayton the opportunity to
serve both on guest services and in the special needs environment.
Life for Clayton these days is about finding things to be
thankful for--a lesson he and Laura picked up from a recent sermon by campus
Pastor Jeff Henderson recounting a meeting he had with Rev. Billy Graham in
which Graham encouraged Henderson to start each day listing things he is
thankful for.
As Clayton has begun to work through that, he’s been able to
appreciate the life that he is building for himself. That life includes his service at church, his
family, and friends, watching shows like The Voice, rooting on his beloved
Atlanta Falcons, and maintaining his own blog called “Conversations with Clayton” where he shares
his thoughts and daily experiences.
Clayton’s using his gifts and his life to break down barriers facing
special needs adults, and he’s just getting started. God has big plans for this young man as He
continues to bring joy out of pain and hope out of despair.
Clayton’s life is an abundant life indeed--full of friends,
soaked in purpose, and lifted by a hope in a deepening faith.
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| Rocking the pink shoes at Night To Shine. |
