Understanding Depression's Lies & Finding Comfort in God's Voice

Recently our family has begun walking through a journey of a loved one dealing with depression.  In that journey, we've learned that people who are depressed can find their thinking so clouded that they believe the lies about themselves and often open up channels of voices speaking cursing into their life because it confirms the emotional feelings that they are being slowly strangled by.  And that they will then turn the volume up on those voices that confirm the mess they think they are.

In the process, they also turn down the volume of God's voice, and the voices of those speaking God's message of blessing and identity into their life.

It's a powerful captivity that Satan loves to keep people in.  If he can destroy your understanding of your identity, he can choke the abundant life that Jesus has for you right out of existence.  He can close the pathway to your purpose and eliminate the glory that your story will bring to God and the blessing it will bring to others.

To those dealing with a depressed loved one, it can often inflict emotional wounds on you as well.  We don't fully understand the hurting that the loved one is trapped in and we don't always remember to view their responses to us accordingly.

Often in our plan to help, we can become stumbling blocks or even unwitting messengers of Satan.

That's why Psalm 23 is so iconic in the faith community.  It speaks to the deeply felt truth that God doesn't always deliver us from evil, but He walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death.  He fills our cup in the company of our enemies, not after removing them.  He allows us to continue on our journey through the valley of the shadow of death, but He comforts us with His presence in every step.

We often pray that God will deliver us from circumstances of pain and suffering.  He absolutely can, and He often does.  But sometimes He doesn't.  And it's in those moments that we need to be the most intentional about turning up the volume of God's voice when everything inside of us seems to confirm that we should close the God App and start live streaming the voices of the enemy confirming our deepest fears and justifying our pain.  Walking through depression is typically a "valley of the shadow of death" kind of Psalm 23 journey.  It takes time.  It takes trust.

The same book of Psalms that contain the famous 23rd Psalm, also intentionally gives us a vivid depiction of depression in the previous chapter,  Psalm 22:

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest. Or night, and am not silent
Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the one Israel praises.Or Yet you are holy, / enthroned on the praises of Israel
In you our ancestors put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
To you they cried out and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame.
But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads."

 "Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help."

"I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted within me.
My mouth is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death."

 Those are just some excerpts, but it seems to me that they pretty vividly depict the agony of someone going through the valley of depression.  The torment.  The pain.  The distorted view of identity.  The seeming silence and distance of God.  The hopeless despair.  God understands it all.

I don't have answers.  I don't understand yet fully the journey we are on.  Reading Psalm 22 and 23 together, however, gives me greater clarity of my role and my burden to be a voice of blessing and not cursing.  It gives me greater insight into the experience of one dealing with depression.  It comforts me to know that God is in the midst of that pain, that God is walking through that pain, that God included passages like this in the Bible to show His heart and compassion for those walking through the valley of the shadow of death.  It speaks to my heart that God is good and that He is a loving Father to those shackled with the chains of depression and anguish.  It comforts me to know that Psalm 139 promises:

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Nothing and no one is beyond the reach of a loving Father.  God is always there, reaching.  Even if we are in the pit of depression's hell, God is there.  He doesn't leave us or forsake us.  I pray and believe that on the other side of this journey our story will be one of victory and of bringing praise to God for a purpose re-found, an identity restored, and a faith expanded with the knowledge that we are who God says we are and that He delivers and sustains us and turns our mourning into dancing.  If that's you or your family, be encouraged that a loving Father sees each tear and knows each pain.

He is there.  Always.

Get Spiritually Woke, Church!

It’s time to get spiritually woke, church.

For those of you who don’t frequent social media or work with young people, telling people to “get woke” or “stay woke” is a new slang for being aware of what’s really going on in your community and in the world.  As “woke” grammatically is what you become after the act of waking up, it’s a state of being awake and fully engaged.   It is usually used in connection with social justice issues.  Today, we are going to appropriate it to being aware of what’s really going on spiritually.  It’s a challenge that Jesus gave us in Matthew 25.  It’s has been a long-standing challenge to the church through various periods of war, hatred, and the worst moments of humanity but also in the lulling comfort of financial security of “First World Problems.”  

In short, it’s time to be active, to really see what’s going on around us, and to be actively pursuing our Savior as even now He prepares the final chapters of human history.  It’s time to become active characters in the story that God is telling in our chapter of history.  

Matthew 25 has Jesus sharing two stories--one about 10 virgins with lamps and various amounts of oil and another about some apparently rich dude who leaves to go on a journey and gives his talents (also known as money) to 3 servants in varying degrees based on ability.

Now, most people in this day and age that read these passages have no idea what we are talking about.  Virgins with lamps and oil and some dudes with bags of talents.  It’s enough to make a hipster scratch his beard in confusion.

I’ll let a Google search or a chat with your local theologian fill you in on all of the details of why virgins needed lamps and oil, or what the heck talents are.  The point in both stories, however, is clear.  It speaks of being spiritually “woke.”  In the first story, 5 of the 10 virgins were ready for the bridegroom by having already prepared the oil for the lamps, and 5 were not despite all 10 knowing that the bridegroom could return at any time.  In the talents story, 2 of the 3 servants doubled the amount of talents in preparation for the master’s return.  One just buried it and waited in fear for the master’s return.   In all cases, they knew who the master/bridegroom was, and that he was returning.  That part was not a shock for any of them.  Some of them prepared for that and worked actively toward his eventual return and some did not.

As you are not likely to be in a gaggle of virgins lighting lamps or in a fellowship of servants  burying gold in your backyard, you might be wondering what this has to do with you.  Let Jesus break it down:

“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.”  (Matthew 25:13)

This speaks to awareness that our time here is limited and that Jesus could return at any moment.  

It goes beyond just watching the clock though and standing ready for Jesus to return.  If you were playing in the Superbowl and you knew that the clock was running out and you still needed to score a winning touchdown, you wouldn’t just stand there watching the clock run out.  Spiritual awareness is good, but it needs to be paired with action.  

If you finish Matthew 25, you see that this is the famous passage where Jesus talks about separating goats from sheep and tells a bunch of folks that they left Him starving, homeless, and without any clothing.  Of course, this came as a shock to many of them.  Questioning when exactly it was that Jesus came to their doors, they are confronted with this powerful truth:

“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me...Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.” (Matthew 25:40,45)

Many Christians are aware of what the Bible says, what their salvation hinges on, and many of the

core Biblical truths of the Bible.  That’s not the full definition of being spiritually “woke” though according to Jesus.  Jesus wants followers who aren’t just looking for the reward at the end.  Jesus isn’t looking for hands waiting to receive, He’s looking for hands ready to give out of His abundance.  The Christian life isn’t about you.  Not even a little bit.  You are redeemed for a purpose.  And that purpose isn’t just something to make your ego feel better.  God redeemed you to empower you to help redeem and serve others.  You are now part of God’s big story and there are no extra characters.  Each redeemed life is written for a purpose to advance God’s story here on earth in this chapter of history.

Following Jesus also means seeing others the way that God sees them.  Jesus walked that out for us in his time on earth.  He loved the unlovable, the forgotten, and the outcasted.  He broke social barriers and challenged the status quo.  He made every moment of His earthly life about serving God and serving others.  He didn’t have a fancy home, a great car and a cool online social media presence.  That stuff didn’t matter to Him.

The lesson of the virgins and the servants with the talents is clear--God wants you to live out your faith and to continue in the work He has for you to complete.  And the call to action is bigger than just avoiding getting caught slacking when Jesus returns.  Jesus’ call to action is about what your apathy does to you and to the others your apathy leaves naked, starving, and afraid in a world of darkness.  If your faith consists of just attending church you are doing it wrong.  Faith demands action.  The Bible is very clear that faith without works is dead.  It’s not a call to legalism or works based salvation.  It’s a call to a faith that permeates every aspect of your life and to being “woke” to the call on your life and the very specific part in that work that God redeemed you for.  

Finally, look to Peter’s example.  Peter is famous for two main things--walking on water and denying Christ 3 times right before the cross.  When Jesus returns and meets with Peter, though, it’s about restoration.  Jesus asks him 3 times if he loves him and each time he answers in the affirmative. Jesus then links it to others: “Then feed my sheep.”  The 3 times of affirmation are certainly a bookend to the previous 3 denials and as such, they bring wholeness and restoration back to Peter.  But it doesn’t stop there.  Jesus very clearly links Peter’s restoration and declaration of love for Christ to serving others.  If you love Me, you will serve others.  That’s what it means to be spiritually woke.

The servants in the story were rewarded because they took what the master left them and they doubled it.  God wants to double the redemption and grace at work in your life to spill into those surrounding you.  Don’t miss what God has for you and for those you are meant to serve.

Get spiritually woke, church!

CONVERSATIONS WITH CLAYTON: A Story of Hope

CONVERSATIONS WITH CLAYTON: A Story of Hope by Bill & Jaci Hughes & Juliet Henninger 

Clayton serving in Upstreet

“I want people to look at adults with disabilities differently--to realize that we’re adults--people sometimes talk to me like I’m a child--people with disabilities just want to be treated like normal people--see us, not our disability.”

With those words, Clayton Graff paints a picture of his life as a 27 year old living with cerebral palsy in a way that most people have probably not contemplated.  It is at once both eye-opening and convicting.  It is a challenge that God is using Clayton to bring to the church when it comes to interacting with and understanding the diverse and misunderstood world of special needs adults and children so that we can better offer the hands of Christ to those fearfully and wonderfully made glimpses of the image of God.

Clayton Graff is a volunteer at Gwinnett Church in Sugar Hill, Georgia where he primarily serves on the Upstreet Guest Services team at our 4:30PM service.  It is through this capacity that we came to know Clayton and his mom, Laura, who serves in the special needs room at the same service. 

A DIAGNOSIS NOT A DESTINY

Laura shared that Clayton was born at 30 weeks and as a result of being premature had to spend some time in the neonatal unit.  At first, it didn’t appear that there were any complications from his premature birth, but at 2 months, Clayton wasn’t tracking with “normal” developmental progress.  Although cerebral palsy was suspected, it isn’t typically diagnosed until at least a year, and in Clayton’s case, he was officially diagnosed at 2 years of age.  Several painful surgeries followed as well as other various therapies to treat his discomfort.

The diagnosis was devastating particularly on Clayton’s father who saw all of the potential memories and experiences that Clayton and he would not be able to share.  Clayton’s condition also took a toll on the family.  Laura admits that he often took all of her time and that her younger daughter often was left to feel that Clayton was the “squeaky wheel that got all the grease.” It is a common challenge for caregivers of special needs children.

Laura struggled between pushing Clayton to achieve his goals, while perhaps being a bit overprotective and limiting him. 

Laura admits, “I limited him, I kept him close and isolated him from the world.”  But she says, she always told him growing up that he could be anything that he wanted and do anything he wanted.  She didn’t want him to see his disability as limiting the path his life would take.

When he graduated from high school, Clayton felt the weight of his limitations upon him and through tears told his mother “You lied to me.  I can’t be anything I want.  I can’t do anything I want.”

Listening to the heart of this mother and son as they retrace those painful steps in Clayton’s journey, you can feel the despair and hurt, but also sense the deep profound love that they share.  

And yet, for Clayton Graff, the diagnosis was not his destiny.

CONVERSE-ATIONS WITH CLAYTON

Clayton's vibrant shoe collection.

Today when you first meet Clayton, who is in a wheelchair, you zero in on two things--the joyful glimmer in his eyes and the super cool Converse sneakers that always match his outfit.

To see Clayton is to see joy.  Kids light up when they see him each week.  Our own children are often talking about seeing Clayton at church and wondering what color Converse he will be wearing this week.

The Converse collection was an intentional move by Clayton and Laura to reframe the social dynamics surrounding him. 

Clayton and Laura shared about how people, often with good intentions, would ask Clayton what was wrong with him.  Kids would point and stare and ask their parents within earshot of Clayton and his mom, “what’s wrong with him?”

Laura often had to fight the urge to answer things in her own way and let people know that there is nothing wrong with him, while explaining his condition.  She and Clayton worked through ways that he might be able to advocate for himself in social situations. 

Understanding the good intentions of others, they sought an outlet to make interactions with Clayton less awkward.  Then a friend of Clayton’s sister suggested the Converse idea.

Clayton's shoes are a platform & outlet for him.

Clayton embraced it and it has become a symbol of who he is.  His vast collection of Converse in a rainbow of colors (the blue ones are his favorite although he likes the attention he gets when he dons the pink ones!) are carefully selected to match whatever he is wearing that day.  His colorful footwear has led to “Converse-ations with Clayton” and allowed people to be more comfortable when interacting with him.  Instead of stares and questions about his disability, the shoes provide people a more comfortable platform for engaging in dialogue that allows them to get to know Clayton, not just his disability.

Clayton even points out with a chuckle that an advantage of his disability is that his Converse shoes stay looking fresh because they don’t touch the ground. 

“LORD, I CAN’T LOSE MY CHILD MENTALLY”

And that’s what’s inspiring about Clayton’s story.  He hasn’t always been in such a good place, but he’s learning to navigate the frustrations of his condition in a more positive way.

He’s struggled with depression and even a period of suicidal thoughts due to frustrations and complications from his disability that left him feeling hopeless.  Clayton struggled with a series of hospitalizations that couldn’t accurately diagnose his problem at the time, leading to a dark time for him mentally and emotionally.  During that time, Clayton had to be watched 24 hours a day.  And yet, Laura and Clayton didn’t give up. 

Laura said that during this time she would pray to God, “Lord, I can deal with the physical, but I can’t lose my child mentally.”

The Converse project even helped with dealing with his emotional state as well.  Clayton would use the colors of the shoes to indicate how he was feeling that day and that allowed for an outlet to discuss his frustrations, to celebrate moments when he was feeling good, and to be heard and understood by others in a clearer way.

The other thing that seems to have helped is Clayton’s attendance at church and developing a faith in God.  Laura says that she always wanted him to have the joy of the Lord that she has, and that he is now fulfilling that dream.  When asked if he has the joy of the Lord, Clayton says, “I guess so, but I’m still not fully there yet” in his still developing faith.

Clayton now lives on his own and is pretty self-sufficient (something his parents never thought possible) and goes to church regularly.  As they point out, it isn’t easy for Clayton to go out somewhere, so the fact that he wants to go to church is a big deal.  Church has allowed Clayton to work on another of his mother’s dreams: “to have as many friends as possible.  The more friends you have the more lives you can touch.  That he would have the most abundant life, one filled with friends that he cultivates, and one with something to do--a purpose.”

SOMETHING TO DO--A PURPOSE

 

Jaci loves serving with Clayton every week.

Clayton says he never dreamed that he would make friends at a place like church, but he’s done just that.

And as for his purpose, Clayton is inspiring people through his life and service at church.  In addition to being on the guest services team, Clayton is occasionally called into the special needs room to serve alongside his mom when other volunteers from the room are out or called into another environment to serve that week.

Although Clayton doesn’t see his mission as focusing on the special needs population, he has been able to bond with those he serves  in that environment.  He says that they, “understand that I’m in their world, that I’m here with them.”

COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS AND MOVING FORWARD

Laura views it as a God intervention.  Because they served at this service, which is much smaller than the morning services, it allowed Clayton the opportunity to serve both on guest services and in the special needs environment.

Life for Clayton these days is about finding things to be thankful for--a lesson he and Laura picked up from a recent sermon by campus Pastor Jeff Henderson recounting a meeting he had with Rev. Billy Graham in which Graham encouraged Henderson to start each day listing things he is thankful for. 

As Clayton has begun to work through that, he’s been able to appreciate the life that he is building for himself.  That life includes his service at church, his family, and friends, watching shows like The Voice, rooting on his beloved Atlanta Falcons, and maintaining his own blog called “Conversations with Clayton” where he shares his thoughts and daily experiences.  Clayton’s using his gifts and his life to break down barriers facing special needs adults, and he’s just getting started.  God has big plans for this young man as He continues to bring joy out of pain and hope out of despair.

Clayton’s life is an abundant life indeed--full of friends, soaked in purpose, and lifted by a hope in a deepening faith. 

Rocking the pink shoes at Night To Shine.

Kidmin Volunteers: Make It Better!

Family ministries have an untapped resource to grow their ministry and expand their vision:  their volunteers.

The staff leadership of family ministry wear many hats.  Most of the time, they are overseeing multiple age groups (pre-school, elementary, middle school, and high school ministries are often combined at least partially) or multiple environments (small group rooms, large group production, guest services, etc.)  They also have a list longer than there are hours in the day of things that they, as leaders, are ultimately responsible for--recruiting, training, scheduling, curriculum production and distribution, security, guest services, production, technical support, materials wrangling, vision-casting, communicating with senior staff/other ministry leaders/volunteers/families, event planning, managing staff disagreements, and overseeing/implementing special needs ministry services--just to name a few.

You didn’t think they just showed up on Sundays and barked out the orders, did you?

And the sad fact is that too many leaders get burned out because they are taking on too many responsibilities, either because they are assigned too many, they lack delegation skills, or nobody else has agreed to help.  There are ways, however, that you as a volunteer can make things better.

In fact, every single member of the team bears responsibility for leading your ministry.  Every.  Single. One.  

In other words--you.

MAKE IT BETTER

Andy Stanley, the lead pastor of North Point Community Church, always tells volunteers that they should all work to “make it better.”  It’s what Sue Miller and Adam Duckworth would call “being owners not renters” in your volunteer role.  Instead of being threatened by new ideas or suggestions from volunteer staff, the North Point staff embraces suggestions and rewards ingenuity in making things go from good to great.   Not all organizations are like that, and the church seems to have a particular affinity for maintaining the status quo. In virtually every decision an organization makes, there is a tension between maintaining the status quo of how it’s currently being done and the energy of much needed change to serve our families better.  If we’re serious about reaching the next generation, we need to be willing to embrace change and join the new thing that Jesus is doing now.

Too often even leaders in family ministry who want to go to the next level are trapped into maintaining the status quo because of the “tyranny of the urgent” in their job--the day-to-day, week-to-week to-do list that usurps all of their time and energy, severely limiting or sidelining plans to make it better or grow the vision.  

As someone who has served as a staff member overseeing children’s ministry and who currently serves as a volunteer for Upstreet, I can tell you that staff members generally LOVE volunteers that help them MAKE IT BETTER and that you will rarely meet a staff leader who feels like they have tackled everything they need to in order to advance the ministry.  There’s always something that got sidelined due to lack of time or resources and that is usually a source of frustration for the vision-casting leader tasked with elevating the family ministry game to the next level.

WHOM SHALL I SCHEDULE?

Those crazy volunteers who would never say, “that’s not my job” but rather great every challenge with “how can I help?” are like manna from heaven to our personal ministry.

A challenge that most staff members leading family ministry have is when to ask volunteers to add to their duties and when not to.  The temptation once we find a reliable volunteer who brings value to the team is to ask them to do more.  There is, however, always that nagging fear that we will ask too much of them and burn them out.  It’s a constant mental balancing act.

So, here’s an idea:  If you are an “owner” as a volunteer--don’t wait to be asked.  Go to your staff leadership and tell them you are ready for more.  Share your heart.  What is it in your ministry that moves you the most?  That’s likely the area that God has appointed for you and probably an area your ministry needs help with.  You may be the blessing that allows your leadership to take the ministry to the next level.

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING...BUT IN THE RIGHT AUDIENCE

Andy Stanley also advises volunteers that “if you see something, say something.”  If you, as a committed volunteer, see something that could stand improving--tell your leadership about it and give them your idea for improving it.  And if you don’t have an idea, maybe spend some time in prayer about it before addressing it to see if God gives you wisdom on how to make it better.

You do run the risk of alienating your leader if they take this as a threat to their leadership or an undermining of their authority.  And some leaders who are not self-aware or secure in their position might see your suggestion this way.  One way to ensure that they take your idea the right way is to know your audience and your own limitations.  Take your legitimate concerns to your leaders privately.  Let them know that you are willing to help make it better.  Give them suggestions for what you’d like to do.  You might open your leaders eyes to something that they didn’t see, lead to a larger conversation about how to improve this area of your ministry, or give you the opportunity to take ownership of your role.  

CONFESSIONS OF A FORMER STAFF LEADER TURNED VOLUNTEER:

1. Leaders need help and support.  They need encouragement.  They need PRAYER. Don’t make the job of growing your ministry all fall on their shoulders.  It’s not all their responsibility.  Do your part or they will get burnt out and you will all suffer.
2. Leaders, more often than not, will listen to you if you are an “owner” who has demonstrated your commitment to the ministry.  Are you an “owner” in your role?  Do you go above and beyond or do you show up unprepared and sleepwalk your way through your duty?  
3. Leaders and volunteers should always be improving themselves.  Don’t stop growing and don’t refuse to learn.  You may have been involved in family ministry since the dawn of time.  Guess what?  Kids are different now.  Learn about them.  Find out what you don’t know about today’s generation and how that might impact your approach. The good folks at Orange have a gaggle of resources for you on that front as well as awesome training conferences and tour stops.  There are also great podcasts, blogs, books, and social media encouragement from leaders like Nick Blevins, Jarrid Wilson, Chase Snyder, Corey Ray Jones & others who constantly share their best practices, their wisdom, and their resources with family ministry leaders.  Connect with them.  
4. LISTEN.  Both leaders and volunteers need to listen.  Don’t allow emotion or insecurity to rob you of progress.  It might hurt your feelings, but if it’s coming from a good place, consider it, pray over it and see if maybe, just maybe, there might be some truth to it.

Imagine what a difference would be made in your ministry, your church and your community, if you chose every day to make it better by being an owner, sharing your ideas, and supporting your leaders and team!  It’s my prayer for 2017 that family ministry volunteers would be emboldened to take a larger role in their ministry and that our leaders would feel the love and support that they are due!  That ownership of serving will radiate through our families and our community.