Activate A Child's Faith: Every Kid Needs a Champion

Every kid needs a champion.

In nearly fifteen years of teaching in a public high school, and ten years of leading children’s ministry at church, I’ve had a wide range of experience.  From pre-school to graduating seniors, I’ve been involved in every phase through either my church life or my work life.  Being the father of three kids also helps.

And one truth that is undeniable throughout my years of experience is this--kids need a champion.

The children and teens that I’ve worked with who have been the most successful in achieving success have been those who had a champion rooting for them, encouraging them, and helping guide them through the minefield of life.

While this concept of a champion is not necessarily a shocking revelation, it is unfortunately far less common than it should be.

And in the age of social media, true authentic relationships are often drying up and replaced by the fake, surface level digital facades.  

Psychologists will tell you that human beings have a deep need of community and a sense of belonging.  And studies are showing that social media is having the opposite effect.  While we might know more about our friends and acquaintances (like what they ate for dinner!) we KNOW them less.  We know more about the life events big and small, but less of their heart.  And the inevitable comparisons contained in the filters, platforms, and messaging of the various social media platforms can have a tremendous hindering impact on our self-esteem creating depression and isolation.

Today’s generation is the first to be truly immersed in digital citizenship from birth on.  Toddlers are playing games on tablets and young kids are making duckfaces for selfies.  

By contrast, I had a pager during college so that I could call you from a pay phone if you really needed to get ahold of me and my computer made weird squawking bird sounds when it took about 20 minutes to connect to the internet.  

Children today are growing up in a world where learning how to develop an authentic relationship is a skill that they have very limited practice with.  And with the central role that relationship plays in activating an authentic faith, that’s dangerous ground.

That’s why kids need a CHAMPION.

GENERATIONAL FAITH: PAUL & TIMOTHY

The book of 2 Timothy is a great picture of a godly mentorship.  The older Paul is writing to his younger colleague in the ministry to encourage him.  And everything about the passage speaks to relationship.  In chapter 1, Paul reminds Timothy that it was because of his grandmother and mother than he came to faith and that Timothy is but the latest generation in a link of faith.  He encourages Timothy to continue in the faith and activate the faith of the next generation by investing in them as his mom and grandmother did for him.  

Then Paul CHAMPIONS Timothy to stay in the faith and contend for the faith.  He also reminds him of the example of his own life:

“You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, 11persecutions, sufferings—what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them.” 2 Timothy 3:10-11

Paul didn’t just teach Timothy theology.  He showed up.  Big time.  He modeled an authentic faith.  He walked through the doubts and persecution with him.  He was a CHAMPION for Timothy.

WHAT ABOUT PARENTS?

Parents are the biggest influence (present or absent) in their child’s life.  Period.  

They are uniquely positioned to influence their child in positive or negative ways through their relationship, their habits, their personality, their words, and their example.  They have the greatest capacity for being a CHAMPION of their own children.

Parents can’t always be that champion for every stage, however.  For example, during the teenage phase, kids are much more willing to share things with other leaders, mentors, teachers, and coaches rather than their own parents.  It’s just reality.  And it’s a reality that my wife and I are learning now that our oldest is in high school.  Parents need to be intentional about establishing those kinds of relationships with adults who will reinforce what they would say to their child if they could.  Churches need to be intentional about providing them with “Pauls” for this very purpose.

WARMTH & CONSISTENCY

Being a champion doesn’t necessarily mean being the coolest and most trendy old person on the scene.  It just means showing up with a willingness to engage.

That’s why most children’s ministries are now embracing a small group-based model with a consistent leader who will show up every week in the life of their few.  When you “lead small” you are actually making a big impact.  Churches have for many years just tossed whatever unwitting fool was standing in the doorway into their children’s and student’s ministry environments.  They’ve been willing to schedule folks around their convenience and only ask for a limited commitment or sporadic scheduling for fear of not having enough volunteers.

Our kids deserve better.  As Reggie Joiner says, “never put the needs of an adult above the heart of a child.”

Having a consistent adult in their lives will provide them with the safe place to share their doubts and questions about their faith, and allow them to have someone other than their parents that knows them.  This is tremendously important to developing a vibrant faith that they can own and activate in their daily life.

I would guess that most of my former students would probably not remember a great deal of the specific lessons that I taught.  (Although our games of Survivor were pretty epic during the Lord of the Flies unit, and I’m not sure they will ever discard the importance of color symbolism after our enthralling chats on The Great Gatsby.)  I do think that I’m a good communicator and teacher. But if I’m honest, the most meaningful impact that I’ve made in the lives of the kids entrusted to me has not been academic.  It’s been relational.  What does last, hopefully, is how I made them feel and how I helped spark their belief in themselves or their curiosity in their purpose.  Hopefully during our time together, they knew that I was there to cheer them on to success.

Each person is unique and uniquely gifted.  Each person has a temperament and learning style that differs from their peers.  The “one size fits all” approach to education or developing an authentic faith in Jesus never works, but the one consistent factor is RELATIONSHIP.   

Here’s what I know:

1. CHILDREN ARE NOT ALL THE SAME--even within families--so no approach or model can be applied exactly the same to every child in exactly the same way.  What works with one child, doesn’t work with another.  It takes RELATIONSHIP to understand that and employ the right approach.
2. CIRCUMSTANCES DEMAND FLEXIBILITY--there will be times in that child’s life where the circumstances of life (family dysfunction, dealing with the death of a loved one, personal relationships, substance abuse, depression, bullying, etc.) overshadow what the lesson plan for the day is.  A champion will recognize this and use the circumstances to help grow the child in some way.   That doesn’t always mean teaching.  Sometimes it means just showing up and being present.  During a particularly challenging day in my teaching career, we had a student killed in a car accident which several other students were involved in (as drivers and passengers.)  Most of the school day was spent standing in the hallway with students collapsing into uncontrolled sobbing masses.  We didn’t teach academics that day.  We didn’t try to talk them through it.  We did the only thing we could--grabbed a box of tissues, hugged desperately hurting students, modeled love and support during a time of intense tragedy.  The same is true in growing faith.  God often uses circumstances in our lives to grow our faith.  A consistent leader will be able to pour into our kids during those times when they really need it--and be fully aware of the backstory and bigger picture in that child’s life to help them gain perspective later on.
3. GENERATIONS ARE NOT ALL THE SAME--growing up today are not the same as kids growing up in the 1990s, or the 1980s, or the 1970s, or any decade prior to that.  If we want to influence them and their faith, we need to get to KNOW THEM.  Consistency is key in that.  As Reggie Joiner says, “you can’t influence someone you don’t know.”

It’s the job of the church to partner with families to ensure that every child has a CHAMPION.  

And how can you be a champion?  It doesn’t require training, or academic finesse.  It doesn’t hinge on your communication skills.  It’s as simple as this:

1. Show up.
2. Care deeply.
3. Listen intently.
4. Pray fervently.
5. Know them genuinely.
6. Impart truth regularly.
7. Model faith authentically.
8. Encourage liberally.

When you show up to be a CHAMPION in the life of a child, you are changing the course of a life, the destiny of a family, and the reality of future generations.  It’s worth it.  Show up.

Involved in student ministry?  Children’s ministry?  Teaching?  What are some of the ways that you’ve SHOWN UP to be a CHAMPION for your entrusted few?  How have you LED SMALL?

Helping The Next Gen Grow Their Faith Through Relationship

Our church has been doing a series challenging us to live out intentional generational faith.  A faith that is passed on and encouraged from one generation to the next.  And as someone involved in family ministry for 10 years now, my heart was glad.

It's a message that is so important.  Faith isn't transferred to the next generation through a classroom.  It's not a program or even a great series of lessons.  It's transferred when it's lived out.  Together.  In RELATIONSHIP.

In a passive society where stuff matters more than others and we prioritize ourselves over all, it's becoming a revolutionary act to pursue an active faith and impart that to the next generation.

So, as we begin this series to talk about helping the next generation win, I thought it was time that I look back and thank those who helped me win.  Here are three of their stories:

MY MOM

My mom took a lead role in all things spiritual in our house.  She's the person who instilled in me a deep love of Jesus and church.  She showed me the power of serving.  She demonstrated the power of unconditional love to a son who sometimes struggled to even like himself.  It is through her undying love that I managed to survive the turbulent teen years.  She also served as my youth leader.  Literally nobody else in the church wanted us.  And so she stepped out in faith.  At the time, it was a little awkward.  Having your mom as your youth leader can be a problem.  She didn't have a degree.  She wasn't an expert on teenagers.  She simply had a willing and loving heart.  She loved us teens and walked through the mess with us.  And while it probably seemed to her like many of her lessons during this time fell on deaf ears, it was largely because of this investment in my life that I am where I am spiritually.  And where my children are spiritually.  And why I serve the next generation in my church with such passion.  She is also where I get my love of holidays and celebrating family time.  She also has been the prayer warrior in my life.  There wasn't a day that went by that my mom wasn't praying for us.  I was blessed to have two parents who loved me, supported me, and provided for me.  Not everyone gets that.  I'm thankful for my mom's commitment to our getting involved in church and for prioritizing our walk with Jesus at a young age.  It changed the entire trajectory of my life.

PASTOR JACK

Growing up I was beyond blessed with the pastor that served my church.  Jack Hamilton was a joyful man who radiated unconditional love to everyone he met.  He taught me that Jesus likes to have fun.  He helped make church a place that I wanted to be.  He showed me how much of an impact living life with joy and a smile can do.  He showed what the heart of a pastor looks like.  Late night phone calls & visits to troubled families, round the clock visits to the hospital, spending time with shut-ins, he did it all.  His boundless joy could not be contained.  It was a force of nature that left a permanent mark on my life.  There was simply not a person that Jack didn't love or share Jesus with.  His influence went beyond just me personally, his influence on my family and the direction our family took together in the faith is largely because God brought Jack Hamilton int our lives at just the right time.  Attending his funeral bore witness to the influence that he had as person after person stood to share what Jack meant to them.  We even heard one last audio recording from Pastor Jack made on his death bed.  As he said good-bye to us, he shared the Gospel message one last time to those in attendance.  That's the kind of Christian that I want to be.

MRS. WILEY

Mrs. Wiley was a fun old lady.  She was my Sunday School teacher circa 4th-6th grade.  She had to be at least in her seventies when she taught us.  Physically she somewhat resembled Doris Roberts from Everybody Love Raymond.  And she had the voice of Edith Bunker.  She was a little bit eccentric, but she really loved us.  That a woman that much older than us would still be serving faithfully in Sunday School stuck out to me.  And she didn't make an impact because she was super trendy or hip.  In fact, she was pretty much the opposite of that.  But she was someone willing to still have fun and laugh even in her later years.  She may have been old chronologically, but she was certainly young at heart.  Her example taught me to embrace the fun in life.  It also taught me that sometimes being the coolest or most talented person in the room isn't all that counts.  She taught me that everyone can make a difference just by sharing their love and joy with another person.  I couldn't tell you specifically any lessons that I learned with Mrs. Wiley in church, but I can still feel the warmth of her presence.  She loved us unconditionally even when we disobeyed.  She had fun with us instead of scolding us.  She showed me the love of God personified.

LESSONS FROM MY LIFE

The lesson that I can take away from these shining examples and others is that the key to helping the next generation win is RELATIONSHIP.

Reggie Joiner would put it this way:

"You can't influence someone that you don't know."

Helping the next generation win means connecting them to an active and authentic relationship with Christ.  In order to do that, we will need to be warm and relational.  My top 3 influences didn't impact my life because they were the best communicators that I've ever known.  Their lasting impact on me was borne through the relationship they created with me.  That RELATIONSHIP allowed them the INFLUENCE and LEVERAGE to speak life and truth into my life.

As a result, I was more open to what they had to say and who this Jesus that they followed was.  By modeling a warm and genuine relationship with me, they helped me understand the kind of relationship that God wanted to forge with me through Jesus.

As followers of Christ, we owe it to the next generation to be a model of RELATIONSHIP and to leverage that to point them toward the source of all hope--JESUS.

As you look back in your own faith journey, who were some of your biggest champions?  How did they leverage their relational warmth with you to stoke the fire of faith in you?

Thank God for those who poured into your life to help you win and ask Him what you can do to help the next generation win.

Feel free to hit the comments and share!

Have You Ever Felt Unhinged?

Have you ever just felt a little unhinged?

It's okay. If you can't admit it publicly, you can probably admit that you've seen it in others.

That overly negative complaining Facebook post and all of the angry comments egging it on and encouraging the author to bask in that rage. That angry tweet-storm of name-calling and threats. That train-wreck public meltdown of someone in a store, in the parking lot, on the sidewalk, or in your house.

You stare. You judge. You thank God you are better than that person. You talk about them behind their back.

But if you are honest--really honest--you will admit that you were that person a time or two.

And you aren't necessarily a bad person for it. You would hate for anyone to see you like that, and you certainly wouldn't want anyone judging your worth based on your actions that day.

Maybe you stubbed a toe. Perhaps you couldn't find your keys. Maybe the kids were just not cooperating today, or the boss was overly demanding, or the car broke down, or the basement flooded. Maybe it was something more.

Something that happened to you overtook you. And you weren't prepared for what came out of you. You came unhinged.

When we are unhinged, we lose control. We lose focus. We lose what matters most.

So often when we talk about this concept, we think of an all or nothing connection. We're either rolling around in a pool of God's grace or crawling on the hot sands of the spiritual desert devoid of His presence.

We often think of it in those polar extremes. We don't think of the day to day struggle to remain in Him. And maybe you aren't a serial killer, but maybe you snapped at someone when you shouldn't have. Maybe you gave in to road rage. Maybe you believed a lie about yourself and fell into despair.

Being unhinged can take many forms.

Jesus referred to our dependency on God as that of a branch in a vine in the famous passage from John 15:4-6:

"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." 

So often we analyze that passage specifically about the relationship of our faith and our works as believers. If we aren't connected to God, our actions will not match our faith. And that's a very central concept to this passage, but it's bigger than that.

When a branch is disconnected from the vine, it's biggest problem isn't its failure to make fruit, it's that it is dead.

Sure, it might not appear that way right away, but the longer that separation goes on, the more the symptoms of death will be evident.

Our IDENTITY, our PURPOSE, and our WORLDVIEW are rooted in the vine of Christ. When we sever that connection, we will die and not just in an overly symbolic way. We will be devoid of life. Not just in a "serving the poor" kinda life. A "Living every day without losing our minds" kinda life.

I began thinking about this while listening to a new Casting Crowns song called "God of All My Days" in which a lyric just hit me in the face:

In my worry, God you are my stillness. In my searching, God you are my answer. In my blindness, God you are my vision. In my bondage, God you are my freedom. In my weakness, God you are my power.

In the rush of life, we don't always allow God to be our stillness in our fear.  We don't always let Him be the answer.  We don't let Him guide us by the hand when we can't see.  We certainly don't allow Him to free us from our bondage, and we don't rely on His power.  We're not totally severed from the vine, we just sorta hopped off for a minute.

When the stress of life overtakes us, our first response is usually to punch it down like Rocky.  

It's acting before thinking.

It's doing before understanding.

God is a God of relationship.  And as beings created in His image, we are as well.  There is a tension in that understanding that binds us together.  But sometimes the rubber band breaks.

Our culture's obsession with social media and hiding behind the superficiality of technology has caused us to lose touch with connections.  Instead of building the genuine bonds of relationship, we tether the filtered facades of selfies.  

In the midst of stress and chaos, Jesus calls

"Remain in Me."   

"Remain."    

"Be still."  

"Abide."  

So, if you are unhinged, that's okay.  We all do from time to time.  It's just not okay to stay that way.  The world needs the fruit that God created you to grow.  Abide.  Remain in Him.